Selamat Ulang Tahun Papah

Pah.. Selamat Ulang Tahun ya..

Sehat selalu.. Sayang kita selalu.. Ganteng selalu..

Papah yang hebat selalu..

(Padang, August 18th 2009)

Suddenly I See

One of the greatest thing I'll always remember from my childhood is a cup of hot chocolate milk in my every-little girl-day. I had to drink it from a fully volume, then finished it until the last drop. I do this since (hm... i can't remember the time specifically) I was in a red-white uniform (it's elementary school, dude..=p) until I reached my high school period. It has been disappeared when I was starting my college time, I've been living by myself in my parent's house in Jogja at that time, owyees you're right, it caused by i'm too lazy to make a cup of milk every morning of course, hehe... It sounds simple huh, but I'll tell you what make it special as being a part of my life: my mother.

I rarely have mother-daughter time with her. When every girl has been spending their adolescent period with sharing the stories about everything which had been happened that day, telling whom they love at the present, learning how to stick on make up on their face, buying their first bra, sparing opinions about the fashion we're wearing... Hufp, neihaa... it just happened (maybe) twice in a year. My mom has a career in her life, she'd been doing her seven-five activity each day in a whole week, then on Saturday-Sunday, her status will became with out of home with her office's mate. I've to admit this, at that time I hate to have a mother like her, at that time, but the best thing I'll always remember about her is she'd been always spend her rush schedule with making breakfast for my family every morning, and yes i'll repeat it again, the best part is that hot chocolate milk -part. I always sad when my mom had to go out of city for her duties. I just noticed this when someday I wake up in a morning-school-day, then I realized that there was no hot chocolate milk which my mom usually made. I felt so.. gloomy, and suddenly I see, it was hurt when I realize I was having a day without her. Although everyday was only represented by a cup of hot chocolate milk.

I often to think, how the world will run if there's no me in there. Is it ok? Is there someone who will miss me that much? Or will it feel miserable so far? What does it feel? Do I really matter with my own life? And of course there's so many other WHATS which keep dancing in my blank experimental mind.

I have a relationship named bestfriend with not more than five if I want to spell it on quantity. But thank God, my bestfriends are people with their great life.

Bestfriend is a subject who will always search and miss you when you're undiscovered, bestfriend will always know how to make you safe and warm. How can I know...

This' not first time I do think about this. When this feeling come to my mind, I usually make myself dissapears for a while in my own world. Turn off my mobile phone, go to the place I don't know, driving all day long around the city, and living somebody's world. It's like stopping my own personality become somebody that I really want at that time. And it will feel good when I return to my real life and there're many people will be asking me with this magical words, "where have you been, dear.."

That will make an answer how a day in the world will run without me :)

I've found this pop draw when last week I visited my house in bekasi. I've made it in the past when I was feeling alone. I was so happy when I found this kind of scrawl. For me, a sketch can recall a memory behind, but if it was bad, i'll remember that with a process I've successfully passed with a great mark ;)

Hellogoodbye

I hate a farewell. Anything about farewell, you named it, i hate it! Why I have to faced too many farewells in this year, God.. First, my favorite man (I have to let him go, coz i knew we can't make it :'( then i have to make a great long distance conversation with all my bestfriends coz i have to moved to Jakarta.. following all of those statements, i had to make a bank of yearning for my dearly family and my cutey cat Molly in Jogja. I hate being alone.. I hate it. I hate it.. I hate it a lot.

Last night I was back for attending a farewell again. It was for my manager in my office, Pak Azzam. Me and my officemate made some games in a bowling court, he came late, therefore we just had a few minutes for having chitchat before he left us to Malaysia this week..

Is it ok if i tell you that I feel hurt to lost him.. I hate it! It seems to create a question in my mind, why I can't have a best person in my life a little longer? Why...

In early morning, he texted me and said that I have to take care in myself.. Be sincere and keep my feet on the ground, he asked me to mail him once in a while.. I will, Pak.. You tought me a lot.. :'(

I will always keep your advice in my mind..

(me, mba Anggi, Elsa, mba Shanty, Pak Azam, mba Atik, mbaTina, Jibie, Adit)

P e n i n s u l a

Well you see, as everything combines
And from the heart of your lips, I'm getting a headache
Your laugh defines me to let you go
Before losing hold and abandoning

Because I would never ask you for that
Already you are treating me like a big child
We have nothing to lose
Besides our lives that we leave aside

But he loves me still and me I love you a little stronger

It is enough of these loops
It's harder to do otherwise
Because without laughing it's easier to dream
At what we would be able, never again to touch

We take each other's hands like children
The happiness on our lips, a little naive
And we walk together from a decided step
Until our heads yell at us to stop everything

He loves me still, and you, you love me a little stronger
But he loves me still, and me I love you a little stronger
And despite that, he loves me still, and me I love you a little stronger

v arum v

R a d i a n c e

I am happy today!!!

maybe it's time to trust somebody new

D I S C O N T E N D E D

+ I had my overtime work until 8 pm today :(

+ I miss having someone for sharing my day

+ I'll have my flight in early morning to Jogjakarta tomorrow, but until this late I haven't pack my luggage yet

+ Just thinking to cut my hair . . .

+ Still wondering why, and how

+ Time goes by, I'm sober but completely empty inside

wish me a nice flight tomorrow, ok?

S R I K A N D I

It's April, and raining outside. In Indonesia, April will be labelling as Kartini's day, April 21th. Although I spent my childhood in Sumatera and Kalimantan, but i think some javanese custom still stuck on my mind. It could be caused by my dad who has a predicate as a Jogja's indigenous. Hm, I don't know exactly when I'd starting this, but until now I can't get enough of anything about Srikandi.

Srikandi is a goddess in Javanese legend. She is Prabu Dupadra's daughter, king of The Pancala. Her mom is Dewi Gandawati, the descendant of Prabu Gandabayu and Dewi Gandini. The siblings of Srikandi are Dewi Drupadi (wellknown as Dewi Kresna) and Arya Drestadumna. This is the best part from Srikandi: she had passion in a military and expert using the arrow. She got this from her husband, named Arjuna. She has no son from Arjuna, pitiful. But until now, she is a legendary for women soldier. She's smart, strong, struggle, and superb. There's many version of Srikandi's life. I just adore her as a trully hero.

In our life, I'm sure all of you have a part of being surrender with a woman. Who for? Yeah, It can be your mom, your dear, your sister, or anyone! Trust me, being a woman is not as pretty easy as it looks. We have a lot of emotions more than our material logic. But sometimes we can do the logically-impossible things in an impossible way. Why? Hahaha, because we have that hidden power. Yhuhu, we rock!!

Sometimes it feels hard being the first daughter in my family, besides I have a javanese blood in mine. Before I want to act about something, my brain's button will be automatically switched into this mode: think what people think about that. Damn, it's just like a confusing reaction! Being a first daughter will be the first of anything. I'll be asked by myself for this word everyday: treasury. But now, I learn that: everyone must be a hero for theirself. You have to start something different to make a change.

Last week I was traveling to Semarang and Yogyakarta. As always: duty call. I won't tell a lot of stories about this project, but I'll share some moments which is captured in time, okay :)

Hm, when I back to Jakarta, I did some photo session with my lil sis (again), oh great, she's great in posing along. Do some freelance photograph can make a desire inside, enjoy my shots :

::: p L a y f u L L :::

credit title:

the model vs the photographer :)

Whispering...

why'd ya have to be so cute ?

it is impossible to ignore you..

must you make me laugh so much?

It's bad enough we get along so well..

say goodnight and go