Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Briar Rose

Which girl who doesn't want to have a love life alike with Barbie and Ken? A great first time impression, connected with every life situations, and having a very happy ending. Without hesitation I admit I was being a girl from those countless groups out there who had always been dreaming to get one forever. But sticking around with the same dream by just sitting in the mud continuing to be detained in a puddle without reaching a lotus flower at there in the end, it was really tired. I've tried so many times with this circle, keep looking a prince figure whom I want to find, over and over again, ups and down. Too often to felt in love and had too many times for some broken hearts, met the right person in the wrong time and met the wrong person when I really needed someone to share made me decide to wait and never stopped trying, still hoping he'll be the one. Journeys from one formula to another formula had been studied, ultimately survived turned out to be my favorite subjects. That is one of the worst part in a woman, always want to feel like a hero and looks always right. I don't know why I wrote this dirty little secret to this public space, but I think i have to do this. Although it would be hard to be specified as a theme, let me free my words as a part of my history of life.

Some of my love relationship ended with uncertainty. Never cheated or having affair while predicated in a relationship with someone, always try to be a loyal and sweet tender little girl, and the stupidest thing which ever happened was not being myself while running a relationship, in the name of love, how stupid. Every time I decide to start a new one, I’ve made a promise in myself that I have to be a big girl, letting go everything which had happened in my past love life, even it was a very beautiful moment for sure. And I learned, and there’s always many lessons to be learned. Poor me, imagine you’ve done everything to make someone happy, always be there when he needs your fairy hands *absolutely hate this superwoman part. Gee, I wont do this again.

There were some boys whom I had fallen in love with some years ago. Flowers delivery every night, many short stories he had wrote in a weekly local newspaper, lots of uniqueness methods which always made me amaze, poems, periodically message on my favorite radio station, and lots of sweetness things which I cant hold on those. Thought me how to dream with our own thought, gave me freedom, everyday was so interesting. How forceful it was made.

Every time I felt a broken heart, I was just wishing that I was a musician who could play a piano and guitar so I wouldn’t give my precious tears down for nothing. I wish I don't have asthma and have an extra budget for having a cigarrette for wasting my time and forget this man, and many if-only-i-was. But I’m not that gifted one, I just made myself tired everyday with crying all night long listening too many songs until the morning came and poked me with a big-panda-eyes while my iPod earphone still stuck on my ears playing somebody’s lyrics, my heart felt so empty and felt like “God, please don't take him away from me, he’s my world” feeling. And I try to put my positive way everyday, I’m waiting and waiting. Remember nothing about this girl, and all of those made me so black and blue. I just gave sorry for myself, and told myself with how-stupid-you-are words.

Slowly but sure I've tried to move on, and kept on running with my world, I tried to fix my heart, but I’m not a person who could make a good relation of a lover turned into friend relationship, it’s so not me at all. So for my best, when I got the time realize  a relationship had to passed from my life, I  immediately erased and threw away everything related with. Phone number, photos, messages, stuffs, and anything, anything about the boyfriend-thing, I wont discuss any situation between me and him. It’s enough, I’m done. Either just one HI word, just no. This is the way to appreciate and give honor for myself.

And now, after many loves and broken hearts, I decide for not wasting my time to let stupidity tragedy ruin my life again but I’m so thankful for knowing that-missing-part people in my life. Apologize if I have to end the relationship with coldness, I’m sorry if I just hurt you with surrender for your ignorance, apologize if I won’t give you greetings anymore. I wouldn’t go if the reason not killing me too much, I wont stay with the uncertainty too long.

With this new lovely man, please wish me luck. Mystery and surprises still locking this castle of life. But his love and smiles will always work for this Belle.



I wrote this post a week before my wedding. And oh yes, I'm married at the present.




Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Big Bag, Big Child



Have you seen a movie about French cooking, Julie & Julia?
A movie about two women who have almost the same name and they both love cooking.
I think this would be my favorite movie after Serendipity, you know.. John Cusack and Kate Beckinsale.. New York love life, and as a person who had her little girl life, ofcourse there was a romance-dream life which is represented by a movie when I was a naive teenage girl.

Talking about Julie and Julia, when the first time I saw this movie, I just found a general-cooking-inventor movie.
The second time I saw this movie, I was falling in love with the pictures.. the fashion.. the soundtrack.. the scenes and the situation on viewed.
The third time I saw Julie and Julia after my dying-office-hour, I caught by a trigger of these two J(s) who have spirit for fighting their dream, cooking.
And for many times I've  watched this movie, I've made a word which succeed to boost my tick tock time, it is called as support.
If you pay your attention when watching this movie, it was almost 87% of the dialogue had been dominating by the women. It could be when Julia had a discussion with her not-as-tall-as-her husband, but always smiling when Julia just gave him many sighs, or could be a Julie's conversation which was shortly contended with her complaints all day long, home-train station-cubicle-client on her line life. But it was Erick -her husband- who had always been there, sticked and stone with his love although that was no sex while Julie was doing her project. Ups.

No, no.. I can not cook. You can't categorized me into an amatir chef with only if I had watched a movie about cooking. I'm not a person who could magically create a fantastic taste with only un-intentionally spices. I have a How To Cook - book for beginner in my ten centimeters away from my stove, hahaha.. So lucky you, girls who have your natural talent to learn about cooking.
I've challenged myself to did a psychological test a long long time ago. On that test I was concluded as a person who has less focus attention when doing something. So I think that's why I still have no competency while doing anything related to kitchen stuff, maybe it caused by it would need a lot of attention. Hm, but for someone out there named Isle, oh yeah sweetie, I'll learn hard to make some breakfast for you :)

my status for cooking competencies will be the same like my pic: blurry... :p

Back into Julie and Julia. After watching this movie so many times, I've asked myself, what is my passion? What is my passion means what is my true passion.When I was in a senior high school, it was my dream to have a twelve centimeters stilleto on my feet, wearing a gorgeous woman suit and great hair-do everyday. But those are only my out look. If I asked deeply to my brain, what would I do with that outfit? Gee, I still have no answer until now.So, what stuff that could make me interest into? Okey, i have to make some list:
(a) traveling (b) writing (c) family gathering (d) eating (e) creating art -thing (f) interior desigining (g) running (h)swimming (i) bicycling (j) shoes, movies, cats, Donald Duck.

Huh. The hardest thing in this world would be being honest to ourself. It's like some of this trash questions: do I really want this for my own life..? what should I do..? Although we have currently have some answer for that typical question. We just have to choose.
So, wow, all my interests seems like very simple activities huh? Oh my oh my..
I know it sounds a little weirdo, umh, but after I thought about this, I've made a decision: I took a resignation from my not yet 1 month employment in my new office. But ow wait, it's not only about missing some adventures or something which would be sound like that, but there's an important thing I have to handle for this year. And then, what do I do? I'm starting to find out and re-organize my life again. Will I get worried if I have no work to do, un-employed or something? Oh totally yes, ofcourse I would. Whatever my fuck ideology word is, I still need money for feeding my life, moreover I still want to fulfill my interests which is listed above, right? :p hahaha, no.. no.. you know, one day my mom had told me like this, "Mba, if you're getting success someday, make it all happen for helping many unlucky people out there, it would bring you a lot of happiness."
Then came a day in my life, delivering me about something. It was a conversation in a woman rest room in a building which is fully charged by many people's dreams in Jakarta. Yes, it was a toilet chit chat.
I usually leave my home at 5.30 am every Monday to Friday. Driving my car for at least one hour listening the jakarta's traffic, and if I didn't have many time for sticking make up on my face, I would do that after I've arrived in my office. At that time, I was giving a time to breath for my face cream, for being correctly pasted on my face before I put its friend named as compact powder. Then came a group of women, three ladies with their make-up kit and starting doing the same activity with me: bumblebee-ing our own face. The most interesting topic from their conversation was how bored they were if they have no office-hour life in their life. Their activities would be just cooking, serving their husband, feeding and playing with child, making friends with neighbours and their maids. They were arguing at each other that although they just have a little time for their family, they hope they could give some quality times when weekend and facilitated by all the stuffs they owned.
And I just felt get punked already, then I try to represented my life as a housewife. There might be a working woman conversation in my life with other housewives in our arisan* schedule.
We might be discuss them as unsuitable community who succesfully ignoring their family for their carrier, and it might be an envious feel and a jealous glance while those business ladies just walking around in front of my eyes with their gorgeous outlook and deadly fashionable style. But are those just enough?

My dad, always note his children with this: everytime you feel unsure with your life, the first thing to do is looking everyone around you who have a not-as-good-as-yours in their life.

How about the OfficeGirl officers, who just come to a place for cleaning dishes, mopping floor, toilet checking, and doing another activities equals in repeatedly in a day. How about a 35 years old man out there who always raise his hands to any people while riding his old motorcycle, wishing today would be many passengers behind his back. And how about a 150 centimeters wet young boy who standing inside the rain with his umbrella, not stopping offering his rain-service for those tie-shirt people. And another hows.
I'm totally sure they don't want to live a life like that.

I'm deeply wrong. This is not always about want it or not want it. Not always about take it or leave it. Also not always talking about need it or not need it. There are many reasons out there. The truth is woman just looking for secure feeling in their life, and this is the beginning for everything in woman's life.
Family, environment, experiences, passion.. are another ingredient as a food in a bowl. And how a woman may viewed as a succesfull person is how she could bring a balance in her two side world: reality and dream.

Finally, I'm wishing for many young ladies out there who have age younger than me and accidentally read this, I really really wish you're starting to find what your future life would be in your dream, therefore you may not wasting your time like I do. Please find something to learn in each and everyday, it could be from your friends, your own life, books, movies, your everyday newspaper man or a stewardess you've met in a plane on your vacation trip.

As my mom has told me, big bag - big child.
And when you feel satisfied with your own life in the future, you may say.. Bon Appetite :)

Julia with her husband

Julie and hubby


*the collection of money or items that have the same value among several people periodically and each time one of those people will get the money or items by lot until all of them have received their turns.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Back Into Shape

Aloha new year runners :D Heiii.. What've you been doing for these four new days beside planning some resolutions :D?? I know u'll agree if I said that it feels fully rechargeable if we always have a time boundaries right?! New year, new life, new born.. All of the new stuffs always give the spirit for a new beginning.. it's like.. um.. new boyfie..!!

Hehe.. After struggled for some months, finally I've found somebody new. Somebody who really much much much better than before as a partner in my life. His name is Fahmi, but i call him Isle, a sweet and very handsome youngman. I feel really really blessed for having him in my life. I always happy when having him around, he makes me laugh with his very-old-fashion jokes (huhu, sorry sweetie.. but you're very great when doing those!), when I feel miserable it feels everything will be just fine with only hug him tight, his kisses just make me feel safe and warm. Hhh.. lucky me for falling in love with him.. (huhu..) At least for these five months he's the greatest boyfriend in the world, hopefully it will last forever ya my Isle.. :)
He's four years older than me, both of us are belonging in Capricorn Community. I hate to say this, but his cutey face makes me 2 years older than him! Huh!

Having him around just like having plenty vitamins for starting over all of my activities everyday. We can talk about everything, we can sing about anything, we discuss about everyone in this world, we read the sky and the wind together, and we learn each other with what our own life been running without complaining at each other. As my mother had told me once upon a time, she said that a great partner is someone who will always support you to the way of happiness leading, and when God leads you to the edge of the cliff, trust him fully coz there's only one of the two things will happen; either he will catch you when you fall or he will teach you how to fly. I'm wishing I can get this from him.

Talking about new thing, i'm in a mission to search a new job for this year. Although a chance for continuing my further education as a psychologist still not walking near me around until now, but from psychology I can still learn about the way I have to know myself to make myself happy. When there's a sign for something which starting make my life not normaly breathing, I'll ask myself, do i really want to do this? What's the reason i have to stand longer than this? This isn't about good or bad nor best or worst. With having some choices, I feel alive. As a friend told me, u may not feel confuse when it's hard to decide. You must be thankful you still have a chance to choose, many people out there couldn't have a choice at all. Whether what i'll have forward, i hope i still have time for not feeling a glass ceiling syndrom ;)

Reviewing all of my statements up there, I think I don't have any resolution for this year, but for my daily project I'm challenging myself to be more happy and not wasting my time. To be more happy I'll search and do everything I enjoy to get in to. I just want to have an interesting and inspiring life. Oh yeah, I think I have an interesting issue for my next post, this' inspired by a chit-chat that my boyfriend and I discussed in our latest date last weekend. Enjoy your first week in 2010 everybody!! Gbu :)


'roomy...' that's the way he always says when calling me =P

Sunday, November 29, 2009

In A Relationship with Coffee

Nama wanita ini kita sebut saja dengan Coffee. Berperawakan tinggi, berkulit sawo matang, berambut lurus sebahu, pembawaannya tenang serta senang tersenyum, dan bagian dari dirinya yang paling menggairahkan adalah belum terdapat benda berbentuk lingkaran yang memasung jari manisnya. Belum di jari manis tangan kanan, dan belum juga di jari manis tangan kiri.


Perfecto.


Pertama kali saya melihatnya di sebuah dvd store yang berada tepat di depan bakery & coffee shop langganan saya. Pada saat itu saya sedang membeli birthday cake, untuk saya sendiri. All by myself. Oh okey, terima kasih, tepat sekali: I'm a lonely gorgeous single-man.


Hm. Sebagai seorang wartawan, pada saat itu saya sangat yakin nona Coffee adalah seorang wanita yang tidak mahir menyetir kendaraan beroda empat, namun tentu saja ia masuk dalam kategori perempuan yang harus saya perjuangkan.


Mobil yang ia parkir di pinggir trotoar yang berada tepat di seberang jalan tempat saya berdiri ketika itu benar-benar posisi parkir yang membuat gaduh para pengendara yang melintas di jalur antar distrik itu.


Coffee menghentikan city car-nya pada posisi yang tidak strategis. Miring tiga puluh derajat. Memakan badan jalan. Membiarkan roda tidak lurus. Hm, dan satu lagi: di cuaca yang sangat terik siang itu Coffee tidak cukup cerdas untuk menurunkan sedikit kaca mobilnya untuk sirkulasi udara di dalam mobil, dia pasti akan sangat kepanasan ketika memasuki mobilnya nanti.


Tentu perlu waktu yang tidak sedikit untuk memilih film yang terpatri di hati untuk menemani menghabiskan malam akhir pekan ini. Oh yes! Thank you Lord, saya sangat yakin she's available! Akhir pekan.. menyetir sendirian ke dvd store, dan.. sangat manis. Hhh, Coffee adalah gadis yang sangat manis. A very great symptom for me.


Mata ini benar-benar tidak bisa lepas dari pandangan di seberang jalan, sedangkan si bokong belum lepas dari kursi yang disediakan bakery shop ini. "Mas, ini cake-nya mau mau ditulisin selamat ulang tahun apa gimana gitu gak? Apa digambar apa gitu kek?". Byar! Untuk sementara segmen fokus yang satu tadi harus di-replace oleh panggilan waitress yang sudah sangat mengetahui kelakuan saya selama ini ketika membawa wanita-wanita cantik untuk sekedar lunch atau nongkrong di sini. Harus diakui tempat ini sangat jagoan menjadi situs play-around dengan wanita-wanita kurang penting yang hilir mudik saya kencani selama ini. Waitress ini sudah sangat paham bahwa Prince Charming yang satu ini tetaplah pangeran tampan berkuda putih yang mencari belahan hatinya yang mungkin saja berada di semak belukar hutan terlarang. Well, pastinya tidak ada gregetnya apabila romansa sebuah kisah hanya diakhiri dengan sang Pangeran akhirnya didatangi oleh wanita cantik jelita bertubuh espanyola yang hobby mengenakan high heels dua belas centimeter, dan pangeran akhirnya menikah dengan tidak ada rasa deg-degan. Come on, get some adventures dude! "Hah, ngga usah mba. Hm.. dikasih lilin aja deh.", begitulah keputusan akhir yang saya ucapkan. "Berapa?", tanyanya lagi. "Dua lima."


Dua puluh lima tahun dan kehilangan jejak perempuan yang mempesonakan. Benar-benar siang yang tidak menggairahkan untuk melanjutkan petualangan seorang pemuda. Ini semua gara-gara mba pelayanan yang bawel itu, yang sibuk menanyakan berapa banyak lilin untuk diletakkan di atas birthday cake. Pasti dia juga sengaja meminta saya untuk mencarikan lilin yang sudah saya request dengan mengobok-obok laci kecil berwarna hijau itu, hah bodoh.
Oh Coffee, mulai saat ini wanita itu akan menjadi pencarian terbesar yang harus diselesaikan sebelum tahun ini selesai. Bersemangat untuk berpetualang.
* * *

Hari ini saya sudah memasukkan jalan-jalan siang bersama Chamelia pada organizer ponsel saya. Seorang model cantik yang saya temukan ketika saya liputan di club Antoniette. Masih terasa kecupan bibirnya di pipi kanan dan kiri saya sebelum ia masuk ke dalam mobil, dan sampai sekarang-pun semilir aroma parfume-nya masih bersemayam dalam kendaraan jagoan ini. "Aku mau melihat-lihat dvd, antarkan aku ke toko kaset di perempatan toko merah itu ya..", begitulah pintanya padaku dua belas menit yang lalu. Sekarang aku sedang mengimbangi maping mind untuk mengarahkan perjalanan ini sambil mencoba menghabiskan rokok terakhirku siang ini bersama Chamelia.


Dan Tuhan memang tidak pernah mencoba umat melebihi kemampuannya.


"Hi!" Wanita berlesung pipit ini hanya melihatku seperti sebuah scanner. Menyeluruh dan mendalam. Oh great, ternyata HI -ku bertepuk sebelah tangan.
"Dave Koz?", pantang mundur memang persamaan dari maju tak gentar.
"Iya. Buat pacar saya. Lagi sakit. Buat nemenin."
Ibarat sedang men-download film dari situs ilegal, usaha ini completely failed. Secara implisit wanita pujaanku ini mengatakan: Stop. Saya sudah punya pacar. Saya sayang pacar saya. Tidak ingin berkenalan. Stop.
"Oh ya? Sakit apa?", wow, ibu pasti sangat bangga dengan kegigihan anak lelaki satu-satunya ini.
"Cacar."Hahahaha.. Wanitaku ini sangat cerdas sekali. Satu hal yang saya kagumi selanjutnya adalah kejujurannya. Cerdas dan jujur.
Coffee sangat spontan ketika meminta saya menjauhinya, dan oh men... memangnya masih ada perempuan yang tidak malu mengakui pacarnya sedang kena cacar pada seseorang yang sama sekali tidak ia kenal?!
Beruntungnya saya..


"Mas?" Saya hanya tersenyum manis padanya ketika ia memanggilku seperti ini. Aaaah, surga dunia. "Ya?", jawabku pelan. "Itu. Sudah ditungguin pacar mas dari tadi." Coffee hanya menahan tawa melihat saya yang totally freezing,
dan untuk kedua kalinya ia berlalu begitu saja dari penglihatanku.


Damn.


* * * * * * *


"Hihihi.. Habisan kamunya.. Deketin aku kaya om om ngajak kenalan gitu.. Hahahaha.."
Tawanya lepas. Kedua bola mata indahnya sementara menghilang ketika derai derai tawanya menghiasi sore di Desember ini. "Terus inget ga sayang.. Besoknya kita ketemu lagi di bioskop tua deket jembatan itu kan.." Ia masih saja terus tertawa dengan matanya yang semakin menyipit ketika bercanda. Ya Coffee, tahukah doa yang saya ukir ketika datang hari ketiga bertemu denganmu, "Tuhan, semoga pacarnya juga kena demam berdarah dan cacarnya tambah parah sehingga wanita ini kesepian dan menghampiriku.. Amin.." Tetapi tentu saja Coffee tidak boleh tahu doa resah gelisah saya pada saat itu.
"Kamu hebat", ucapnya sambil tiba-tiba melingkarkan tangannya di bahuku. "Dua tahun ya sayang kamu nungguin aku..", ucapnya manja.
"Kamu lebih hebat..", balasku sambil memindahkan kedua tangannya yang melingkar ke dalam genggaman tangan saya yang besar ini.
Coffee hanya terdiam dan saya-pun tidak ingin melanjutkan satu patah kata-pun. Ah sayang, kamu tidak tahu saja, banyak sekali wanita yang mengejar hidup ini ketika saya terus mengagumimu.
* * *


Nama wanita ini kita sebut saja dengan Coffee. Berperawakan tinggi, berkulit sawo matang, berambut lurus sebahu, pembawaannya tenang serta senang tersenyum, dan bagian dari dirinya yang paling menggairahkan adalah ia sudah bersedia merelakan salah satu jari manisnya untuk memasung sebuah lingkaran yang bertuliskan nama lelaki terbaiknya. Ia-pun terus bertanya mengapa saya tetap memanggilnya Coffee. Saya sudah memutuskan tidak akan berbagi dengannya untuk yang satu ini.


She has the taste and the colour, inside and outside.


Perfecto.


Even tomorrow Coffee will ask me again about this ;)





dedicated for my bestfriend yang sedang kejar-kejaran nyari calon istri :p chayo!

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Olhide doesn't know.



I don't know what I've done
or if I like what I've begun
But something told me to run
And honey you know me it's all or none

Jeev has a man. Olhide. Just call him Olhide.
Olhide in one close eye just a man in a silent tone and living a circulate with monophonic of philosophy and process of life in some pages of a deary. Olhide doesn't know, that in every hard word which belongs to Jeev, it's a truly a respectful notice from her.

Once Jeev felt so lonely in her morning elegance awaken, when the sun shane and had turned off its candles of flame, Olhide just hugged her, a tight hug, and he said 'baby, how fat you are...'

But in present time, when every morning stops by and says hi, it's still empty. Sad and lonely. Practicing herself cause when Olhide just immediately dissapeared, away from hook of her little finger, she should stand up in her own foot with her own both thumbs. She realizes how Olhide took some parts from her desire for waking up in each and everyday.

There were sounds in my head
little voices whispering
That I should go and this should end
and I found myself listening

Olhide never made his laugh at foremost side of his girl, but Jeev always gets a fortunate wind when she found that this would be the second day of Olhide's for not making his bath, even Olhide got sweaty sweat last afternoon when playing kick-the mangoes with his little niece is all sorts of reasons from this. Eymeel is the name of that little girl. In an university which has Hubert Glovessoc as its leader, Olhide just turns his glasses up and down while he's whispering, 'baby, what a charming prince I am...'


Olhide has some prides. He has a pride of loving some odd numbers when he decides the number of his horses. Olhide has a pride when his hair still looks wet although it's some kilometers of his ride in every twilight. Olhide has a pride when nobody knows that Jeev, an ordinary young lady, is a part of his secret hide and seek, benefiting him for looking others virginias. But it Olhide himself who doesn't know that Jeev is so into him, not having a pride at all for becoming her sweetheart, but it seems an appearence of Jeev's heaven in each and every Olhide's laugh.

Cause I don't know who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
cause she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood

Olhide always teaches Jeev some trust and faith within in this life to her. It has been starting when Jeev didn't have a tolerance at all, not even a little tolerance when she found her ex-lover ran aside to White Ponny Village, making out and falling in love with that Chief's daughter, named with Soyara. This girl's name will remind to an origami side, cause when Jeev got the family tree of this circle, she found out the Chief is still predicated as a gambler who been married to a Japanese's wife who was making a colony in that village.
Does Olhide know, Jeev will give him every freedom which is authorized in this world for him, although she may not always accompany him in each and every second. She wishes. She does this wish every second, 'God, I hope I'll always beside him, athough I just only can reminding...'

See, I thought love was black and white
That I was wrong or it was right
But you ain't leaving without a fight
And I think I am just a torn inside

Olhide always teaches some loves to Jeev, cause she never said i love you while kissing him tenderly, it's all about her who got a condition when her ex-lover just left her beside when making love showed up became a reason. But does Olhide know, Jeev just wants that lips will make some smiles and starting lots laughs. Just the two of Olhide and Jeev. Even now Jeev still crying when remembering.

Cause I don't know who I am without you
And all I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
cause she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood

Olhide loves for having a night in a beach, listening some waves thundering, and accompanied with wedang jahe which represented by Twenty One City while his eyes spanning for looking another lady for his future wife to be proposed. In the same time, Jeev just feels so happy when she's staring a painting which had been given by Olhide for her while covering with her blueny blanket, and accompanied with three candles which must be changed for this week. But does Olhide know, Jeev is waiting an ask for stopping by in a toast store and wondering Olhide will say, 'baby, i love this drink...'


To be left by Olhide, Jeev should grow her age in a mature side. Handling all her loneliness when morning come, hiding her tears when longing the moments, and waiting some miracles if that book will be coloured again by her. But does Olhide know, Jeev only has the one and only shoulder when those three wishes could not be happened.


Her aspiration right now is only a happiness for the one she loves. Another present aspiration is only making everyone happy when standing next to her. The other one will be thanking God for her eyes, for the air she breathes in, for her hands and her feet which will always belong to her. Cause anything that Olhide knows about Jeev is only her dumbness, although she always sings in her hopes.




Does Olhide know, all of these just only for him?

And I won't be far from where you are if ever you should call
You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all
But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you
This is what I have to do


Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Selamat Ulang Tahun Papah




Pah.. Selamat Ulang Tahun ya..

Sehat selalu.. Sayang kita selalu.. Ganteng selalu..

Papah yang hebat selalu..


(Padang, August 18th 2009)

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Suddenly I See

One of the greatest thing I'll always remember from my childhood is a cup of hot chocolate milk in my every-little girl-day. I had to drink it from a fully volume, then finished it until the last drop. I do this since (hm... i can't remember the time specifically) I was in a red-white uniform (it's elementary school, dude..=p) until I reached my high school period. It has been disappeared when I was starting my college time, I've been living by myself in my parent's house in Jogja at that time, owyees you're right, it caused by i'm too lazy to make a cup of milk every morning of course, hehe... It sounds simple huh, but I'll tell you what make it special as being a part of my life: my mother.

I rarely have mother-daughter time with her. When every girl has been spending their adolescent period with sharing the stories about everything which had been happened that day, telling whom they love at the present, learning how to stick on make up on their face, buying their first bra, sparing opinions about the fashion we're wearing... Hufp, neihaa... it just happened (maybe) twice in a year. My mom has a career in her life, she'd been doing her seven-five activity each day in a whole week, then on Saturday-Sunday, her status will became with out of home with her office's mate. I've to admit this, at that time I hate to have a mother like her, at that time, but the best thing I'll always remember about her is she'd been always spend her rush schedule with making breakfast for my family every morning, and yes i'll repeat it again, the best part is that hot chocolate milk -part. I always sad when my mom had to go out of city for her duties. I just noticed this when someday I wake up in a morning-school-day, then I realized that there was no hot chocolate milk which my mom usually made. I felt so.. gloomy, and suddenly I see, it was hurt when I realize I was having a day without her. Although everyday was only represented by a cup of hot chocolate milk.

I often to think, how the world will run if there's no me in there. Is it ok? Is there someone who will miss me that much? Or will it feel miserable so far? What does it feel? Do I really matter with my own life? And of course there's so many other WHATS which keep dancing in my blank experimental mind.

I have a relationship named bestfriend with not more than five if I want to spell it on quantity. But thank God, my bestfriends are people with their great life.
Bestfriend is a subject who will always search and miss you when you're undiscovered, bestfriend will always know how to make you safe and warm. How can I know...

This' not first time I do think about this. When this feeling come to my mind, I usually make myself dissapears for a while in my own world. Turn off my mobile phone, go to the place I don't know, driving all day long around the city, and living somebody's world. It's like stopping my own personality become somebody that I really want at that time. And it will feel good when I return to my real life and there're many people will be asking me with this magical words, "where have you been, dear.."

That will make an answer how a day in the world will run without me :)


I've found this pop draw when last week I visited my house in bekasi. I've made it in the past when I was feeling alone. I was so happy when I found this kind of scrawl. For me, a sketch can recall a memory behind, but if it was bad, i'll remember that with a process I've successfully passed with a great mark ;)