Sunday, November 29, 2009

In A Relationship with Coffee

Nama wanita ini kita sebut saja dengan Coffee. Berperawakan tinggi, berkulit sawo matang, berambut lurus sebahu, pembawaannya tenang serta senang tersenyum, dan bagian dari dirinya yang paling menggairahkan adalah belum terdapat benda berbentuk lingkaran yang memasung jari manisnya. Belum di jari manis tangan kanan, dan belum juga di jari manis tangan kiri.


Perfecto.


Pertama kali saya melihatnya di sebuah dvd store yang berada tepat di depan bakery & coffee shop langganan saya. Pada saat itu saya sedang membeli birthday cake, untuk saya sendiri. All by myself. Oh okey, terima kasih, tepat sekali: I'm a lonely gorgeous single-man.


Hm. Sebagai seorang wartawan, pada saat itu saya sangat yakin nona Coffee adalah seorang wanita yang tidak mahir menyetir kendaraan beroda empat, namun tentu saja ia masuk dalam kategori perempuan yang harus saya perjuangkan.


Mobil yang ia parkir di pinggir trotoar yang berada tepat di seberang jalan tempat saya berdiri ketika itu benar-benar posisi parkir yang membuat gaduh para pengendara yang melintas di jalur antar distrik itu.


Coffee menghentikan city car-nya pada posisi yang tidak strategis. Miring tiga puluh derajat. Memakan badan jalan. Membiarkan roda tidak lurus. Hm, dan satu lagi: di cuaca yang sangat terik siang itu Coffee tidak cukup cerdas untuk menurunkan sedikit kaca mobilnya untuk sirkulasi udara di dalam mobil, dia pasti akan sangat kepanasan ketika memasuki mobilnya nanti.


Tentu perlu waktu yang tidak sedikit untuk memilih film yang terpatri di hati untuk menemani menghabiskan malam akhir pekan ini. Oh yes! Thank you Lord, saya sangat yakin she's available! Akhir pekan.. menyetir sendirian ke dvd store, dan.. sangat manis. Hhh, Coffee adalah gadis yang sangat manis. A very great symptom for me.


Mata ini benar-benar tidak bisa lepas dari pandangan di seberang jalan, sedangkan si bokong belum lepas dari kursi yang disediakan bakery shop ini. "Mas, ini cake-nya mau mau ditulisin selamat ulang tahun apa gimana gitu gak? Apa digambar apa gitu kek?". Byar! Untuk sementara segmen fokus yang satu tadi harus di-replace oleh panggilan waitress yang sudah sangat mengetahui kelakuan saya selama ini ketika membawa wanita-wanita cantik untuk sekedar lunch atau nongkrong di sini. Harus diakui tempat ini sangat jagoan menjadi situs play-around dengan wanita-wanita kurang penting yang hilir mudik saya kencani selama ini. Waitress ini sudah sangat paham bahwa Prince Charming yang satu ini tetaplah pangeran tampan berkuda putih yang mencari belahan hatinya yang mungkin saja berada di semak belukar hutan terlarang. Well, pastinya tidak ada gregetnya apabila romansa sebuah kisah hanya diakhiri dengan sang Pangeran akhirnya didatangi oleh wanita cantik jelita bertubuh espanyola yang hobby mengenakan high heels dua belas centimeter, dan pangeran akhirnya menikah dengan tidak ada rasa deg-degan. Come on, get some adventures dude! "Hah, ngga usah mba. Hm.. dikasih lilin aja deh.", begitulah keputusan akhir yang saya ucapkan. "Berapa?", tanyanya lagi. "Dua lima."


Dua puluh lima tahun dan kehilangan jejak perempuan yang mempesonakan. Benar-benar siang yang tidak menggairahkan untuk melanjutkan petualangan seorang pemuda. Ini semua gara-gara mba pelayanan yang bawel itu, yang sibuk menanyakan berapa banyak lilin untuk diletakkan di atas birthday cake. Pasti dia juga sengaja meminta saya untuk mencarikan lilin yang sudah saya request dengan mengobok-obok laci kecil berwarna hijau itu, hah bodoh.
Oh Coffee, mulai saat ini wanita itu akan menjadi pencarian terbesar yang harus diselesaikan sebelum tahun ini selesai. Bersemangat untuk berpetualang.
* * *

Hari ini saya sudah memasukkan jalan-jalan siang bersama Chamelia pada organizer ponsel saya. Seorang model cantik yang saya temukan ketika saya liputan di club Antoniette. Masih terasa kecupan bibirnya di pipi kanan dan kiri saya sebelum ia masuk ke dalam mobil, dan sampai sekarang-pun semilir aroma parfume-nya masih bersemayam dalam kendaraan jagoan ini. "Aku mau melihat-lihat dvd, antarkan aku ke toko kaset di perempatan toko merah itu ya..", begitulah pintanya padaku dua belas menit yang lalu. Sekarang aku sedang mengimbangi maping mind untuk mengarahkan perjalanan ini sambil mencoba menghabiskan rokok terakhirku siang ini bersama Chamelia.


Dan Tuhan memang tidak pernah mencoba umat melebihi kemampuannya.


"Hi!" Wanita berlesung pipit ini hanya melihatku seperti sebuah scanner. Menyeluruh dan mendalam. Oh great, ternyata HI -ku bertepuk sebelah tangan.
"Dave Koz?", pantang mundur memang persamaan dari maju tak gentar.
"Iya. Buat pacar saya. Lagi sakit. Buat nemenin."
Ibarat sedang men-download film dari situs ilegal, usaha ini completely failed. Secara implisit wanita pujaanku ini mengatakan: Stop. Saya sudah punya pacar. Saya sayang pacar saya. Tidak ingin berkenalan. Stop.
"Oh ya? Sakit apa?", wow, ibu pasti sangat bangga dengan kegigihan anak lelaki satu-satunya ini.
"Cacar."Hahahaha.. Wanitaku ini sangat cerdas sekali. Satu hal yang saya kagumi selanjutnya adalah kejujurannya. Cerdas dan jujur.
Coffee sangat spontan ketika meminta saya menjauhinya, dan oh men... memangnya masih ada perempuan yang tidak malu mengakui pacarnya sedang kena cacar pada seseorang yang sama sekali tidak ia kenal?!
Beruntungnya saya..


"Mas?" Saya hanya tersenyum manis padanya ketika ia memanggilku seperti ini. Aaaah, surga dunia. "Ya?", jawabku pelan. "Itu. Sudah ditungguin pacar mas dari tadi." Coffee hanya menahan tawa melihat saya yang totally freezing,
dan untuk kedua kalinya ia berlalu begitu saja dari penglihatanku.


Damn.


* * * * * * *


"Hihihi.. Habisan kamunya.. Deketin aku kaya om om ngajak kenalan gitu.. Hahahaha.."
Tawanya lepas. Kedua bola mata indahnya sementara menghilang ketika derai derai tawanya menghiasi sore di Desember ini. "Terus inget ga sayang.. Besoknya kita ketemu lagi di bioskop tua deket jembatan itu kan.." Ia masih saja terus tertawa dengan matanya yang semakin menyipit ketika bercanda. Ya Coffee, tahukah doa yang saya ukir ketika datang hari ketiga bertemu denganmu, "Tuhan, semoga pacarnya juga kena demam berdarah dan cacarnya tambah parah sehingga wanita ini kesepian dan menghampiriku.. Amin.." Tetapi tentu saja Coffee tidak boleh tahu doa resah gelisah saya pada saat itu.
"Kamu hebat", ucapnya sambil tiba-tiba melingkarkan tangannya di bahuku. "Dua tahun ya sayang kamu nungguin aku..", ucapnya manja.
"Kamu lebih hebat..", balasku sambil memindahkan kedua tangannya yang melingkar ke dalam genggaman tangan saya yang besar ini.
Coffee hanya terdiam dan saya-pun tidak ingin melanjutkan satu patah kata-pun. Ah sayang, kamu tidak tahu saja, banyak sekali wanita yang mengejar hidup ini ketika saya terus mengagumimu.
* * *


Nama wanita ini kita sebut saja dengan Coffee. Berperawakan tinggi, berkulit sawo matang, berambut lurus sebahu, pembawaannya tenang serta senang tersenyum, dan bagian dari dirinya yang paling menggairahkan adalah ia sudah bersedia merelakan salah satu jari manisnya untuk memasung sebuah lingkaran yang bertuliskan nama lelaki terbaiknya. Ia-pun terus bertanya mengapa saya tetap memanggilnya Coffee. Saya sudah memutuskan tidak akan berbagi dengannya untuk yang satu ini.


She has the taste and the colour, inside and outside.


Perfecto.


Even tomorrow Coffee will ask me again about this ;)





dedicated for my bestfriend yang sedang kejar-kejaran nyari calon istri :p chayo!

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Olhide doesn't know.



I don't know what I've done
or if I like what I've begun
But something told me to run
And honey you know me it's all or none

Jeev has a man. Olhide. Just call him Olhide.
Olhide in one close eye just a man in a silent tone and living a circulate with monophonic of philosophy and process of life in some pages of a deary. Olhide doesn't know, that in every hard word which belongs to Jeev, it's a truly a respectful notice from her.

Once Jeev felt so lonely in her morning elegance awaken, when the sun shane and had turned off its candles of flame, Olhide just hugged her, a tight hug, and he said 'baby, how fat you are...'

But in present time, when every morning stops by and says hi, it's still empty. Sad and lonely. Practicing herself cause when Olhide just immediately dissapeared, away from hook of her little finger, she should stand up in her own foot with her own both thumbs. She realizes how Olhide took some parts from her desire for waking up in each and everyday.

There were sounds in my head
little voices whispering
That I should go and this should end
and I found myself listening

Olhide never made his laugh at foremost side of his girl, but Jeev always gets a fortunate wind when she found that this would be the second day of Olhide's for not making his bath, even Olhide got sweaty sweat last afternoon when playing kick-the mangoes with his little niece is all sorts of reasons from this. Eymeel is the name of that little girl. In an university which has Hubert Glovessoc as its leader, Olhide just turns his glasses up and down while he's whispering, 'baby, what a charming prince I am...'


Olhide has some prides. He has a pride of loving some odd numbers when he decides the number of his horses. Olhide has a pride when his hair still looks wet although it's some kilometers of his ride in every twilight. Olhide has a pride when nobody knows that Jeev, an ordinary young lady, is a part of his secret hide and seek, benefiting him for looking others virginias. But it Olhide himself who doesn't know that Jeev is so into him, not having a pride at all for becoming her sweetheart, but it seems an appearence of Jeev's heaven in each and every Olhide's laugh.

Cause I don't know who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
cause she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood

Olhide always teaches Jeev some trust and faith within in this life to her. It has been starting when Jeev didn't have a tolerance at all, not even a little tolerance when she found her ex-lover ran aside to White Ponny Village, making out and falling in love with that Chief's daughter, named with Soyara. This girl's name will remind to an origami side, cause when Jeev got the family tree of this circle, she found out the Chief is still predicated as a gambler who been married to a Japanese's wife who was making a colony in that village.
Does Olhide know, Jeev will give him every freedom which is authorized in this world for him, although she may not always accompany him in each and every second. She wishes. She does this wish every second, 'God, I hope I'll always beside him, athough I just only can reminding...'

See, I thought love was black and white
That I was wrong or it was right
But you ain't leaving without a fight
And I think I am just a torn inside

Olhide always teaches some loves to Jeev, cause she never said i love you while kissing him tenderly, it's all about her who got a condition when her ex-lover just left her beside when making love showed up became a reason. But does Olhide know, Jeev just wants that lips will make some smiles and starting lots laughs. Just the two of Olhide and Jeev. Even now Jeev still crying when remembering.

Cause I don't know who I am without you
And all I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
cause she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood

Olhide loves for having a night in a beach, listening some waves thundering, and accompanied with wedang jahe which represented by Twenty One City while his eyes spanning for looking another lady for his future wife to be proposed. In the same time, Jeev just feels so happy when she's staring a painting which had been given by Olhide for her while covering with her blueny blanket, and accompanied with three candles which must be changed for this week. But does Olhide know, Jeev is waiting an ask for stopping by in a toast store and wondering Olhide will say, 'baby, i love this drink...'


To be left by Olhide, Jeev should grow her age in a mature side. Handling all her loneliness when morning come, hiding her tears when longing the moments, and waiting some miracles if that book will be coloured again by her. But does Olhide know, Jeev only has the one and only shoulder when those three wishes could not be happened.


Her aspiration right now is only a happiness for the one she loves. Another present aspiration is only making everyone happy when standing next to her. The other one will be thanking God for her eyes, for the air she breathes in, for her hands and her feet which will always belong to her. Cause anything that Olhide knows about Jeev is only her dumbness, although she always sings in her hopes.




Does Olhide know, all of these just only for him?

And I won't be far from where you are if ever you should call
You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all
But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you
This is what I have to do


Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Selamat Ulang Tahun Papah




Pah.. Selamat Ulang Tahun ya..

Sehat selalu.. Sayang kita selalu.. Ganteng selalu..

Papah yang hebat selalu..


(Padang, August 18th 2009)

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Suddenly I See

One of the greatest thing I'll always remember from my childhood is a cup of hot chocolate milk in my every-little girl-day. I had to drink it from a fully volume, then finished it until the last drop. I do this since (hm... i can't remember the time specifically) I was in a red-white uniform (it's elementary school, dude..=p) until I reached my high school period. It has been disappeared when I was starting my college time, I've been living by myself in my parent's house in Jogja at that time, owyees you're right, it caused by i'm too lazy to make a cup of milk every morning of course, hehe... It sounds simple huh, but I'll tell you what make it special as being a part of my life: my mother.

I rarely have mother-daughter time with her. When every girl has been spending their adolescent period with sharing the stories about everything which had been happened that day, telling whom they love at the present, learning how to stick on make up on their face, buying their first bra, sparing opinions about the fashion we're wearing... Hufp, neihaa... it just happened (maybe) twice in a year. My mom has a career in her life, she'd been doing her seven-five activity each day in a whole week, then on Saturday-Sunday, her status will became with out of home with her office's mate. I've to admit this, at that time I hate to have a mother like her, at that time, but the best thing I'll always remember about her is she'd been always spend her rush schedule with making breakfast for my family every morning, and yes i'll repeat it again, the best part is that hot chocolate milk -part. I always sad when my mom had to go out of city for her duties. I just noticed this when someday I wake up in a morning-school-day, then I realized that there was no hot chocolate milk which my mom usually made. I felt so.. gloomy, and suddenly I see, it was hurt when I realize I was having a day without her. Although everyday was only represented by a cup of hot chocolate milk.

I often to think, how the world will run if there's no me in there. Is it ok? Is there someone who will miss me that much? Or will it feel miserable so far? What does it feel? Do I really matter with my own life? And of course there's so many other WHATS which keep dancing in my blank experimental mind.

I have a relationship named bestfriend with not more than five if I want to spell it on quantity. But thank God, my bestfriends are people with their great life.
Bestfriend is a subject who will always search and miss you when you're undiscovered, bestfriend will always know how to make you safe and warm. How can I know...

This' not first time I do think about this. When this feeling come to my mind, I usually make myself dissapears for a while in my own world. Turn off my mobile phone, go to the place I don't know, driving all day long around the city, and living somebody's world. It's like stopping my own personality become somebody that I really want at that time. And it will feel good when I return to my real life and there're many people will be asking me with this magical words, "where have you been, dear.."

That will make an answer how a day in the world will run without me :)


I've found this pop draw when last week I visited my house in bekasi. I've made it in the past when I was feeling alone. I was so happy when I found this kind of scrawl. For me, a sketch can recall a memory behind, but if it was bad, i'll remember that with a process I've successfully passed with a great mark ;)

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Hellogoodbye

I hate a farewell. Anything about farewell, you named it, i hate it! Why I have to faced too many farewells in this year, God.. First, my favorite man (I have to let him go, coz i knew we can't make it :'( then i have to make a great long distance conversation with all my bestfriends coz i have to moved to Jakarta.. following all of those statements, i had to make a bank of yearning for my dearly family and my cutey cat Molly in Jogja. I hate being alone.. I hate it. I hate it.. I hate it a lot.

Last night I was back for attending a farewell again. It was for my manager in my office, Pak Azzam. Me and my officemate made some games in a bowling court, he came late, therefore we just had a few minutes for having chitchat before he left us to Malaysia this week..

Is it ok if i tell you that I feel hurt to lost him.. I hate it! It seems to create a question in my mind, why I can't have a best person in my life a little longer? Why...

In early morning, he texted me and said that I have to take care in myself.. Be sincere and keep my feet on the ground, he asked me to mail him once in a while.. I will, Pak.. You tought me a lot.. :'(


I will always keep your advice in my mind..

(me, mba Anggi, Elsa, mba Shanty, Pak Azam, mba Atik, mbaTina, Jibie, Adit)


Tuesday, April 14, 2009

P e n i n s u l a

Well you see, as everything combines
And from the heart of your lips, I'm getting a headache
Your laugh defines me to let you go
Before losing hold and abandoning

Because I would never ask you for that
Already you are treating me like a big child
We have nothing to lose
Besides our lives that we leave aside

But he loves me still and me I love you a little stronger

It is enough of these loops
It's harder to do otherwise
Because without laughing it's easier to dream
At what we would be able, never again to touch

We take each other's hands like children
The happiness on our lips, a little naive
And we walk together from a decided step
Until our heads yell at us to stop everything

He loves me still, and you, you love me a little stronger
But he loves me still, and me I love you a little stronger
And despite that, he loves me still, and me I love you a little stronger
v arum v

Monday, April 13, 2009

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

D I S C O N T E N D E D

+ I had my overtime work until 8 pm today :(

+ I miss having someone for sharing my day

+ I'll have my flight in early morning to Jogjakarta tomorrow, but until this late I haven't pack my luggage yet

+ Just thinking to cut my hair . . .

+ Still wondering why, and how

+ Time goes by, I'm sober but completely empty inside


wish me a nice flight tomorrow, ok?


Tuesday, April 7, 2009

S R I K A N D I

It's April, and raining outside. In Indonesia, April will be labelling as Kartini's day, April 21th. Although I spent my childhood in Sumatera and Kalimantan, but i think some javanese custom still stuck on my mind. It could be caused by my dad who has a predicate as a Jogja's indigenous. Hm, I don't know exactly when I'd starting this, but until now I can't get enough of anything about Srikandi.



Srikandi is a goddess in Javanese legend. She is Prabu Dupadra's daughter, king of The Pancala. Her mom is Dewi Gandawati, the descendant of Prabu Gandabayu and Dewi Gandini. The siblings of Srikandi are Dewi Drupadi (wellknown as Dewi Kresna) and Arya Drestadumna. This is the best part from Srikandi: she had passion in a military and expert using the arrow. She got this from her husband, named Arjuna. She has no son from Arjuna, pitiful. But until now, she is a legendary for women soldier. She's smart, strong, struggle, and superb. There's many version of Srikandi's life. I just adore her as a trully hero.


In our life, I'm sure all of you have a part of being surrender with a woman. Who for? Yeah, It can be your mom, your dear, your sister, or anyone! Trust me, being a woman is not as pretty easy as it looks. We have a lot of emotions more than our material logic. But sometimes we can do the logically-impossible things in an impossible way. Why? Hahaha, because we have that hidden power. Yhuhu, we rock!!

Sometimes it feels hard being the first daughter in my family, besides I have a javanese blood in mine. Before I want to act about something, my brain's button will be automatically switched into this mode: think what people think about that. Damn, it's just like a confusing reaction! Being a first daughter will be the first of anything. I'll be asked by myself for this word everyday: treasury. But now, I learn that: everyone must be a hero for theirself. You have to start something different to make a change.

Last week I was traveling to Semarang and Yogyakarta. As always: duty call. I won't tell a lot of stories about this project, but I'll share some moments which is captured in time, okay :)













Hm, when I back to Jakarta, I did some photo session with my lil sis (again), oh great, she's great in posing along. Do some freelance photograph can make a desire inside, enjoy my shots :

::: p L a y f u L L :::












credit title:
the model vs the photographer :)

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Whispering...


why'd ya have to be so cute ?
it is impossible to ignore you..
must you make me laugh so much?
It's bad enough we get along so well..
say goodnight and go

Monday, March 16, 2009

T e c h n o c r a c y

Dear Pap & Ibu,
HAPPY 24th WEDDING ANNIVERSARY !
Thank you for giving us (your three turtles) the groove of bloody bound

Dearly love,
yours

Saturday, March 14, 2009

S p i r a l i n g

Hi people, it's saturday night... What are you doing right now? Having a date.. Gathering with family and friends.. Enjoying a party.. Or, forgetting your spouse, huh? hehe..
I just have had my shower this late. Today was a clamor one. I had my overtime work until 3 pm, my devision was commanded to do some recruitment process for a vacant position, i was conducting the test for at least 100 persons who listed as the candidates. Yesterday I was traveling to Bandung, I did a selection for production technician position at Politeknik Bandung. It was awful, none passed the test. When I was on my way back to the office, geez.. the traffic (bdg-jkt) made me so frustrated. I had accompanied by the driver, pak Heri Wibowo (he's a nice driver:), we stucked for 2 hours, coz i felt so tired, pak Heri offered for driving me back to my boarding house directly, and I agreed. Exhausted.

After those today-overtime stuffs completed, I just entered my room promptly, then I overwhelmed in my bed until 8pm. Hoho, ticktock-ticktock! My hair is still wet now, not having my dinner reluctantly, therefore i just have a cut of one raisin bread which is stabled in my faithful refrigerator.. I'm bewildering. Then I realized: I need a vacation.

So, my schedule for tomorrow will be:
1. Wake up early morning coz I have to soak some of my clothes and wash all of those which can't be transfered to any laundry-spot in this entire country in this world. Oh yes, I'm a sexy laundress!! yeahaa!!
2. Re-arrange my dish drawer, wipe my floor then mop it, then.. make sure all my dress in my wardrobe placed on the right space.
3. Hm.. what about my bookcase.... (hm, i think... it can wait.... -hehehe..- passed!)

Peace yoo ! ~ hehe...

Oh, okay, it looks like very weary, right? :D How about if I make it 4, become: search for a flight to Jogja.
Hey yeah! On April 9th will be held the national general election day! It means free day off! Oh great, it's Thursday! I have to observe my office's status for Friday, let's cross our finger and wishing the Friday delivering our freedom! Peace yo ~

How do you spiral your life? Hehe, spiral.. this' my word to describe "pomp-up the mood when I feel gloomy". If I had a bad day, I just one click away to a link with my gorgeous inspiration: Imogen Heap. I love the lyrics she had created, pure and strong. I love how she dresses herself up too. She's so unique. Maybe some of you have that "spiral-matter" too!! Music.. Stuff.. Activities.. or maybe, someone..

Yeah someone. Have you meet someone in one time, when you found this creature, you just feel so.. free! Intimate and close, recharge, hertbeat immediately beating so fast, and you feel happy! But it just secretly happens, you won't let anybody knows about this, and it will be positive if I give another addition condition: even though he/she is your zest vitamin but you still don't have the right time to make a chitchat with. Have you?

I hope, I can get a ticket for flying to Jogja, there will be a lot of things I'll do there. I miss the simplycity of life in that town. I can hang around to many places with only a flipflop and casual outfit. Yeah, honestly I have an obligation to be fulfilled in Jogja, it's my baby, named Alaya. Somebody had scratched her with (oh, i hate to say this) completely shattered in her left side. It happened when I parked her in somewhere I think it was safety enough for Alaya. So i felt so restless being ignore her. Also my dad was very angry with me when he did an unexpectedly inspection when he came to jogja, geez...!! He gave me a word: unresponsible. Admitted: my mistake. That's why I think I have to learn to use public transportation when I spotted in Jakarta right now. I ought to. There's no excuse for me for always use the facilities which is given by my parents, and the best thing for living in jkt is nobody knows exactly who I am, hehehe... I'm enjoying my romance approximation with some men named: busway, taxi, metro (bus), or angkot (hihi, it's like regional transportation). I know it's not convenient to do, but I try to make it as my ABC of growing up.

i'll come to you, al..

Hh, okay, i have to say hi to my beauty sleep now ;) Have a great Sunday!


yeah! Sunday will always be a beautiful day!!


Saturday, March 7, 2009

Tiredness


Anybody knows what is the instrument for measuring a word named success?
Money?
Happy family?
Dreams become reality?
Surrounding by people who love us with tender and care?
Having all the passion and the stuffs which desirously wanted?

W h a t ?

I do want to have a relationship with a man who gets success in his life. In this statement, I make a highlight that success is able to fulfill all the promises and responsibility which had been given to him. This' not only about words. It's about integrity.

When we talk about integrity, it would be scooped by honesty - trustworthiness - soundness - freedom from faults or defects, wholeness and completeness.

I really mean it.


I do know a man. He was so gorgeously inside, in the past. He had given a woman his dreams, and shared every little thing with his honesty. He was so forcefull to get all that he wanted. But I think I agree with a quote which says that a man can't live without possessions, throne and woman.

That's what I'm talking about: responsibility, where can i find a man with this word?

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Living My Life

What's life, anyway? (Hh, Gosh... do I sound like a hypocritical one?). But I obviously miss my life.

Since being an employee, i just lost everything which I pleased to do: writing, reading, laughing, and... me time.

Everyday, I have to wake up at 5 for chasing Subuh, then I have to prepare myself, and leave my room at 06.30. If there's no overtime work, I can leave the office at 06.00, it makes the consequence that I'll be able to arrive at my boardinghouse at utmost 07.30.

My life equals with a timetable. Honestly, I hate the 'timetable' part.

I feel tired... I feel lost... Where's Faj when I need him right now? He asked me whether I could work in this city therefore he could catch me up everytime. But those line's existing such some words until now. He still make his work as his priority.


every morning meeting - table

I feel like I'm chasing pavement right now!! He's just not him. After AAC project and whatever-his film-and videoclip-projects, I just can't recognize him anymore. I really can't...

Should I give up . . .

I just trying to be honest with myself, my life.. with everyone.. especially with the person whom I wish I could rely on, but none could give that honesty back at me. It feels hurt...

Nobody knows.


Ps. Good luck with your Queen Bee film project, hon. I've always pray the best for you, although I don't know what would you do to me if u're going to be that best.